The Hero of Insanity
by Mr. Neptune
Summary: Like most fics, I 'mysteriously' end up in Ocarina of time. What shall I do? Save Hyrule myself? Team up with Link? How bout I follow him and screw things up? Yeah, that sounds about right.
1. Plot Device

hello folks. My second random Zelda fic. Enjoy...

Disclaimer: i don't own zelda, i'm just screwing with it!

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So, let's start with our main character. Link? Yeah right, screw him. (for now.) the main character is ME. The, um, co-character…yeah that works...is Link of course. But back to me! (no I'm not self-centered). Some describe me as a palm tree. I've been called Malcom X before. (I don't look like him anymore, so phew) I'm a cocoa man. (I'm a mixture of colors!) I've also eaten devil fruit and possess rubber powers.

Okay, that's not true. But here is my description that will probably stay with me throughout the whole story. Tall, tan, handsome? (yes indeedie!), blue glasses, chucks, jeans, green long sleeve shirt, and wild fuzzy hair!

(and just to be fair) here's LINKS description. Blue fairy, blonde hair, green…um everything, brown boots, and um…pretty blue eyes!

Anyhoo, let's begin shall we?

So, here's me, right? Just kickin back, and relaxin. Turning on my 64 about to play one of the greatest games EVER.

"Time's to play me some Zelda, dizzle!"

And then I think…wouldn't it be awesome to have an adventure like that? Well, sure…if I wasn't such a wussy, not to mention I have no idea how to play an ocarina. (I'm really not a wussy, it's just that sometimes I- AHHHH SPIDER ON THE KEYBOARD WTF!)

(who actually shouts 'wft' instead of the actual sentence)

(me, that's who)

Anyhoo, I'm turning on my good ol 64 when um…shiny stuff….and me…um, magic….er…..i dunno, either way, I just get sucked in. Got it?

Of course you do!

So, I'm flying through a portal of colors, flying down the spiral of depression and retardedness.

"why is this happening!" I shout, frantically.

"Plot device, Mr. Frodo, plot device!" a voice calls out.

"My name is Taylor"

"Whatever, oh and try not to die when you're there," the voice giggled (like a little girl)

and so I end up crashing through the roof of a tree house. After I get back to my feet, and fix my crooked neck, I notice a blonde boy sleeping in his bed.

"Aw crap."

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Um, review please? 


	2. Just Call Me Navi

Ah yes man, um….uh….(checks reviews) Ah, yes bushes283 I do indeed watch legendaryfrog, because Joseph blanchette is the man!

Not to mention a lot of other flash cartoonist.

But anyhoo, onto another chapter!

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Okay, resuming the story…

Where was i? Ah, yes, so there I am, about to fight off a whole hoard of pirate who were trying to steal my lunch when….wait a minute….

Somethings not right…

OH right, they were Ninjas. Silly me.

**sometime later…**

…and that's why I wear these brown shorts all the time.

Anyhoo, back to the bigger story.

Ah, yes, I was in the house (if you could call it that) of Link! I'm still my age of 17 (well, soon to be 17. Yes, my birthday, worship me!) and link is um, 10?

Yes, let's say ten.

"Ah, look at him. So young. So innocent," I smiled to myself.

And that's when I smile evilly. Psh, like I really have anything sinister planned. Well, perhaps a prank. Heh, just think of it. The Hero of Time gets pranked, by someone as stupid as me.

But before I can even continue this, um, pleasant thought, a blue ball of light zooms past my head.

"Hey, Link! Wake up!"

that's when I remember. AGH! I've played this game before and this fairy never shuts the hell up! It's always "hey" or "listen". So, with that said, I grab the ball of light and choke it to death.

Yup. Just like that.

Navi is no more.

I suppose by doing that, I've ruined Majoras Mask, if ya know what I mean. Eh…sue me.

"Hey, Link. Wake up!" I shout to him.

"Wharg?" he slurs.

Just to creep him out, I put on the creepiest face I can and smile widely saying "HEEELllllllooooooooOOO"

"Ack! Who are you?" he cries. (like the baby he is)

"I'm um…Navi?"

"Works for me…."

And we know he'll fall for it, mwahahah. And I know where to go and what to do in this game, so ha! (doesn't mean I can do it well.)

So, since I'm 'Navi' I try my best to be like her!

"HEY! LISTEN" I scream right in his face.

"Geez, I'm right here. You don't need to shout."

Heh, but I did. So take that.

"Link, come with me, the Deku Tree has summoned you….in attack mode. So go find your Kokiri sword so your attack is raised by 1000"

"Um…kay…?" Link is definitely confused

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And so the two of us head outside, where a girl with green hair approaches. Hey, aren't you glad I didn't say something like, "hot green haired girl"? That'd be kind of creepy since I'm 17 in this game, and they're very…young….

So that's why I say something stupid like

"hey, come see me in ten years."

To which she replies, "oh silly, Kokiri's never grow up."

…………..damn.

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So, after that Link runs off to find a sword, while I go ahead to the deku tree. But, again, something gets in the way. This time, a ginger midget.

He's probably saying why he won't let me through but all I hear is "I'm a tool, I'm a tool, a big tool. Tool, tool, tool"

Er I mean, something else….totally not stolen. :-D

Link returns with an awesome sword. Naturally, the midget is jealous and starts to heckle us further. So, I do what most people would've done (or what most game players want to do, or at least I do anyway)

BAM

I punched him, right in the face!

Ah, that felt good.

And so with that, me and um that one kid head off to the tree of giantness.

NEXT EPISODE!

To tree, or not to tree!

Mwahaha, get it?

Okay, not that funny.


	3. To Tree or Not to Tree

You know, i don't like this "hits" thing. I dont like knowing how many people are looking but not reviewing. Then again, this is a crap-bad fic. But hey, it's already made a fav list. Hooooorah

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Anyhoo, onward!

And so Link and I journey towards the tree. And just so things are fair. I am now um, 10 years old as is Link. I dont remember if this was mentioned in last chapter and i'm too lazy to check, so i'll say it now.

Link ran off to find his sword while I was supposed to take care of getting him a shield. Um...except it didn't really do it.

"Whatta you mean you didn't get my shield?" Link raged.

"Relax. Instead I got these sweet Aerosmith tickets!" I smiled.

"How am I supposed to protect myself" Link cried.

"Well, I suppose you can use this live monkey I just found" I smiled again, handing him the monkey.

And without time to argue, Link strapped the helpless monkey on his back. And in no time at all we reached the tree.

"oh link, and um..." the tree begins to say.

"Navi..." I whisper and wink to him.

"um...never mind, you two, please listen to my words..."

I totally didn't listen to his words. And before I knew it me and that freak with the green hat were in the depths of the tree.

"Hey, you know how big of a flame we could make if i set him on fire from the inside?" I asked link.

"don't you dare think about it!" Link retorted. (yeah, more like retarted.)

"Yeah, well screw you, link!" I reply.

And so we journey, at one point Link got a slingshot. I stole it and hit him a few times, but eventually gave it back...the little baby. ...anyhoo, after toil and um more toil we make it to some deku scrub...who's all like:

"nyeah, i'm cool. You'll never get me"

and we so did.

"here's the code. 2...3...1. 23 is number 1 don't forget!" the scrub said as he ran away

"i forgot." i said to link.

"I hate you" Link glares at me.

but eventually we finally get to the main boss. I think her name was Gotta, or gotho, or gamgee, something that started with a G.

Link took her down easilly with his slingshot. I cheered her (er i mean, link) on mostly.

And like that, we left the tree...

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I hope this doesn't suck (that bad) 


	4. OMG Shiny Stone!

**Hmm, I updated sooner than I thought I would. Um, cool? Anyhoo, enjoy this chapter (and review it!)**

**Oh, and I changed my story title from "Screw You, Link" to what it is now thinking that Link fans will get mad, ya know, something like "Screw Link? No, screw YOU Mad Logger!" and i'd be like "ouch". **

**Yeah, I hope no one thinks I hate Link. I just love messing with him.**

**ANYanyhoo, carry on. **

And soon, before I know it, the two of us are already outside of the Deku Tree. The wise Tree could only stare at us in confusion. I suppose me with a few tears in my clothes, and Link with a black eye might've been the cause.

"What the bloody hell happened to you two?" Deku (as I have decided to call him) demanded.

"Eh, we had a fight over the heart container," I smiled sheepishly.

"I need it more than you!" Link glared.

"I know. I did it just to mess with ya." I smiled again.

Deku could only sigh at the two idiots in front of him. The main idiot was me of course, but Link was an idiot by association. Meaning...since he's with me and i'm with him, we're both idiots now. (ha, take that Link).

"Forget it. Now pay attention you two...listen to the words I am about to tell thee..." Deku began.

Naturally, I fell asleep...and yes, I missed every important bit of detail that I _probably_ should've listened to.

"You probably should've listened," Link advised.

Told ya.

"Here is the stone, the stone that the man of the desert wanted so much that he put this curse on me," Deku finished.

And without warning, a shiny green and gold stone appeared as if from nowhere and made it's way to Link.

"Don't worry, Great Deku Tree, with this stone, I shall-" Link started.

"OMG SHINY OBJECT!" I screeched as I lunged for the rock.

Naturally again, (well not really, it was more like luck and good agillity) I obtained the stone, which I later learned was called the um...er...I already forgot. Oh well.

"I shall call this the Chaos Emerald!" I announced.

"Wrong name. Wrong game." Link simply said.

"Hey, is this your fic or mine?" I countered.

"I want nothing to do with your crack-pot mind! It's my adventure anyway!" Link raged, snatching my 'chaos emerald' back.

And with that, the tree sent us on our way...

...without dying of course. Gosh, I keep forgetting important stuff like that. Oh well, minor detail really. On the plus side, since I punched out Mido a few chapters back, he wasn't around to complain to me and Link about it.

Anyhoo, on the way out, a lovely girl with green hair stopped by to see us off.

"I'll miss you so much Madlaro (a weird version of "The Mad Logger")," Saria cried.

"Hey, what about me?" Link also cried.

"We've been friends for so long," Saria cries as she hugs me good-bye.

"Um, no you haven't. That was us." Link muttered.

"I hope we see each other again," Saria smiled.

"Me too," I smiled back.

"I hate you both," Link grumbles.

"Oh yeah, good bye to you too, um...uh..." Saria stalled.

"LINK! My name is Link! You've known me for years! We've been friends! You've just met this guy! Gah!" Link raged (yet again).

"Huh? I'm sorry did you say something?" Saria asked, snapping out of her daydreams.

"Forget it..."

And finally, the two of us set off to the Hyrule Castle. At least that's where I think we're going. Depends on if Link tries to kill me or not. I guess we'll see.

**As always, please (I said please! Nicely!) read and review. That means YOU!**


	5. Let's Eat It

**Hey…..R & R, and I'll do a funny dance. That means read AND review, not just read. Or scim, or gaze, or glance!**

**That means YOU.**

**Anyhoo…**

"Ah, Hyrule Field….such a vast piece of land" I smiled, gazing into the area.

"How did you know of this place?" Link questioned.

"um….internet."

Yes, so we join our heroes! Well, Link the hero, and me the tagalong. (I'm having a lot of fun by the way stalking Link. (Link Fangirls squeal with jealousy)).

Yes, it's all good fun and whatnot, but before we can even take one step into said glorious field, the two of us are stopped by an owl of sorts. Actually a rather freakin huge owl.

"Why hello there, young hero. On your adventure are you?" he smiled insanely.

"Who the bob dole is he? Can we eat him?" I asked Link.

"Shut it, it's time for our piece of wisdom," Link growled.

"Wait, we're getting a Triforce piece this early?" (I am obviously surprised.)

"I said 'shut it'," Link repeated.

But I obviously don't get it. What the fruit is going on here? And what's with the flippin bird? I still think we should've killed it, burned it and ate it.

"let me begin," the owl smiled (yes, insanely still).

**Several hours later…**

"Damn, are you done yet?" I raged.

"Not quite-"

And that's when I struck him with a rock. Yay, I have good aim…but only in this story. Luckily enough for me, Link didn't really care. Does he ever?

And so, the two of us crossed the very long field. For those who remember playing the game should also remember that it always becomes night by the time you reach the castle gate. I knew, and I preferred we got in before we're locked out.

"Why the hell are you shoving?" Link muttered.

"We gotta hurry. I'm you flippin fairy, obey me!"

Unfortunately we didn't make it. Actually we tried to jump for it just as it was going up, but to no avail. We both fell in the water.

"I'm wet! I'm hysterical and I'm wet!" Link cried.

"What the hecks are you talking about?"

"Nothing….nothing at all," Link said mysteriously.

"Well, with the castle locked up, I think we should go somewhere before-"

But of COURSE it's too late; the skeletons and zombies are already popping out of the ground. Just great.

"Quick! To Karkariko Village or Lon Lon Ranch!" I scream, listing off the two nearest places.

"Huh?" Link is obviously clueless.

"Never mind!"

**Hopefully we won't be eaten by Zombies. **

**Did we die? Find out next time. ……Maybe….**


End file.
